So here we are…we have made it to the last week of 2020. Most of us are eager to get to 2021, and put this year behind us. But, I also think many of us have been able to find some good in 2020, from more time with our families, a slower pace of life, to finishing projects that we may have been putting off for years. For me, it’s definitely a mix of “I am ready to start a fresh year” and “I am thankful to 2020 for giving me back more time—time with my kids and husband (most days ;)) and time reflecting on myself and what I really want in life.”

If you are like me then you probably also approach every New Year with a list of resolutions. Mine usually include “lose 30lbs,” “stop swearing,” “hike more,” or some versions of these. Some of these not only put a lot of pressure on me, but I also may not even be that passionate about achieving them. I may feel like I need to hike more because I always see other people posting about going hiking with their families, and then feel like I should be doing that with my family. In reality, hiking with my kids is absolutely miserable—they complain about the drive there, complain that we don’t have enough snacks or the right snacks, and it’s my husband or I constantly telling them to stop running or moving away from the edge, so they don’t kill themselves. We drive home exhausted and annoyed, and give the kids some sort of sugary treat so the complaining will stop and we can have at least 10 minutes of quiet on the way home. Don’t get me wrong, some people have wonderful experiences hiking with their kids, but that’s just not us. So, I don’t want my goals this year to be influenced by what I think they should be based on what I see other people doing, or that the goals are so difficult to attain that they are already setting me up for failure. For instance, I have not been able to lose more than 15lbs. since having children, no matter how many things I have tried, so why set that goal so high for myself—10lbs. is still great.

This year, I decided to have four different categories of goals:

• A mind goal: something that will affect my mental health
• A body goal: something that will affect my physical health
• A family goal: something that I think would impact the whole family
• A project goal: some project I would like to complete

Mind Goal-“Say ‘yes’ without fear, and ‘no’ without guilt.”

Okay, so this isn’t my quote. I heard it last week when I was doing a Peloton ride with Robin Arzon. I had to go back and replay the video to write it down, and boy does it resonate with me. Both parts of this statement are things that I know many people, especially women, would love to be able to do. For me, I often won’t say “yes” to something for fear of being judged, fear of failing, or fear of rejection. And “no without guilt?” Is that even possible? I feel like having the ability to do both of these things would help lessen my stress and anxiety.

I have talked about being vulnerable a few times, and where I have a hard time doing so is with my ability to ask for help or say “yes” if someone offers it to me. Why do we have an irrational fear that people are going to think any less of us if we accept help? When someone asks me for help, never has it crossed my mind to judge them for it or think of them any less. I actually feel the opposite—I feel thankful that they had the courage to ask for it. We love being the helper, but run when people want to help us. This year, I want to pause and really think about when someone offers their help, and be okay with saying yes if I really need it.

It’s funny because I just talked about saying yes more, but I am honestly more of a yes person, except when it comes to someone offering help. I really need to do a better job of saying “no,” and when I do, stop beating myself up about it. I honestly am not sure how I am going to do this, but I am going to try. (Note: after writing this, I realized that I have absolutely no problem saying no to my kids :))

Body Goal-“To regulate my hormones.”

I know, what a strange goal. Let me briefly explain. I have Hashimoto’s Disease—which is an autoimmune disorder that causes my immune system to attack my thyroid. It is pretty common, and for the most part there is no cure with medicine. This disorder causes a lot of different symptoms for me—hair loss, heavy periods, difficulty losing weight, anxiety, dry skin, etc. Food can unfortunately make these symptoms worse. I say unfortunately because of course it’s foods like gluten, dairy, and eggs that are the main culprits. My friend recommended that I read the “WomanCode.” It is a book that talks about using food to regulate your hormones, specifically in conjunction with a woman’s menstrual cycle. Yes, I have Hashimoto’s, but it may also be causing more hormonal imbalances in my body that are making my symptoms worse. For me, we believe it is an overproduction of estrogen, which causes me to have terrible migraines, hair loss, bad PMS, etc. I am over going through it all every 3 weeks because it can knock me off of my feet for a couple days. So, today I made my husband start the 4 day hormone reset from the book with me (yes, just in time to have Champagne on New Year’s Eve). Then, in the New Year I will continue reading to see how I can continue to try resetting my hormones.

Family Goal-“To yell at my kids less”

The fact that this even has to be a goal makes me upset with myself. I hate that I even have to put it on the list, but the reality is we have a lot of yelling in our house. We try so hard not to, but when the kids don’t listen after the 10^th time or continuously do something disrespectful, something just snaps inside and it becomes a never ending cycle of yelling. If I am being honest with myself, I am sure that the kids yell because they see/hear us do it. And when I yell or get really mad at them, I instantly regret it, especially if ends in tears. I know sometimes we need to raise our voices to prove a point, but sometimes I wish I could be that calm, quiet, easy going parent. So, to help me achieve this goal, I bought the book “How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with Your Kids.”

I have tried reading other books on how to get kids to listen, be respectful, etc., but never end up having the attention span to get through them, so part of the goal is to actually finish this book. I will keep you posted on how this goes.

Project Goal-“Finish decorating one room in our house.”

So for this one, I actually have two project goals. The first is to start and finish decorating a room in our house. Since we moved in 1.5 years ago, we haven’t really decorated much of the house. Really, it’s just our entryway and our oldest son’s bedroom. My husband really likes having nothing on the walls or in the house, and while the minimalism is nice, I do want to do more. Not sure where we will start, but I will take you on that journey with us.

The other project goal relates to this blog. I already am putting pressure on myself to do more, make it perfect, etc., and while I am committed to doing this and making it special, I also have a fulltime job, am a mom, and generally human. So, my goal is to do one blog post per month. I would love if I could do more, and maybe I will, but like I said in the beginning, I don’t want to set myself up to fail. I also want to give myself some grace with this—to be okay with not being able to do as much as I may want to do. To say “no” without guilt.

If you are a goal maker or want to start in 2021 maybe some of these can give you some ideas of what you may want to focus on or how to structure your goals. I am going to end this post with another Robin Arzon quote. In that same ride I did, she said, “Purpose is oxygen. When we bet on ourselves, we will never lose.” So this year I am going to bet on myself—betting on myself to make these goals happen, and come back to the purpose behind them, so it motivates me and propels me forward.

               Alana xoxo